


Tears of a Clown

by LuxKen27



Category: Sweet Valley High - Francine Pascal
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-10
Updated: 2012-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-09 14:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxKen27/pseuds/LuxKen27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winston accidentally learns of Todd and Jessica’s affair, and struggles to deal with it. <i>Sweet Valley Confidential</i> fix-it fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears of a Clown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Siryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siryn/gifts).



> A birthday present for snarky_imp, my Sweet Valley partner-in-snark. We both know Winston is *not* a jerk (no matter what Francine tries to imply!), so here’s a bit of fic to correct the obvious mistakes made in SVC. Hopefully you’ll enjoy this more than the actual continuation of the series, LOL :P
> 
> Further author's notes can be found [here](http://luxken27.dreamwidth.org/53368.html), including the inspiration scene from the original novel.
> 
>  **DISCLAIMER:** The _Sweet Valley_ series concept, storyline, and characters are © 1983 – 2003/2011 Francine Pascal/Bantam Books/Random House/St. Martin’s Press. No money is being made from the creation of this material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Winston Egbert grins as he pushes the rolling ladder attached to the bookcase. “Come along now, Jessica,” he teases loftily, “let’s leave the lovebirds be for the moment. Maybe we can find something to read while we wait?” He stops abruptly, scrambling up the steps. “Hey, how about this – are you a fan of Henry Miller?” He begins pulling books off the shelf. “ _[Tropic of Cancer](http://www.amazon.com/Tropic-Cancer-Henry-Miller/dp/0802131786/), [Tropic of Capricorn](http://www.amazon.com/Tropic-Capricorn-Henry-Miller/dp/0802151825/)_ – ”

“I never took you for an astrology nut,” Jessica Wakefield mutters, glancing over her shoulder. Winston follows her line of vision, cocking an inquisitive brow when he realizes she’s staring furiously at her twin, Elizabeth. She’s standing a few feet away, smiling indulgently up at her boyfriend, the two of them seemingly lost in their own world. Winston finds Jessica’s reaction curious; Elizabeth and Todd have been wrapped up in each other for most of their lives, so it’s not like their only having eyes for each other is a new thing. 

He makes a big production out of choking on his own saliva, drawing Jessica’s attention back to him. “Jessica,” he breathes, sounding scandalized, “don’t you _read_?” He feigns a moment’s thought before answering his own question. “Oh, wait – look who I’m talking to.”

Jessica makes a face. “Shut up, Winston,” she snaps, crossing her arms over her chest. She sneaks another glance over her shoulder, her scowl deepening as she eyes her sister.

Winston piles the erotic titles against his chest and unsteadily descends the ladder, schooling his features into a mask of obvious concern. “Whoa,” he intones, heaving the stack of books into her arms, “you need these more than I realized.” He pauses. “Or perhaps I should read them aloud to you, to get you into the proper frame of mind?” He smiles crookedly. “We could start with _[The Story of O](http://www.amazon.com/Story-O-Pauline-Reage/dp/1562010352/)_ – that seems right up your alley.”

“In your _dreams_ , Egbert,” she replies disgustedly, shoving the books back at him. She shudders. “Ew, maybe not even there.”

Winston snickers, handing the books to Elizabeth, who draws to a halt at Jessica’s side. “What’s going on?” she asks pleasantly, watching with interest as Winston moves the ladder to the next bookcase and climbs the steps again.

Jessica isn’t paying attention, too busy smirking when she realizes where Winston is headed. “Yeah, now you’re in the right section, _Winnie_ ,” she calls out. “I’ll bet you have plenty of those stories stashed under your mattress!”

Winston narrows his eyes as he gazes at the titles around him. “Oh, ha ha, Jess,” he intones sarcastically, pulling _[120 Days of Sodom](http://www.amazon.com/120-Days-Sodom-Marquis-Sade/dp/1604594187)_ off the shelf.

“Ha ha, Win,” she shoots back, deft and deadpan, her smirk turning self-satisfied.

“All right, you two,” Elizabeth laughs, “enough already!”

Jessica finally seems to realize that she’s standing right beside her. “Oh, Lizzie, are you almost finished?” she asks, her voice syrupy sweet and cajoling. “You promised me a ride to the beach for one last tanning session before classes start!”

“I know, I know,” Elizabeth replies indulgently. “I’ve just got one more book to find, and then we can leave.”

Jessica pouts. “Only you could care enough to buy every book on the syllabus before class even starts,” she sighs, making a big deal of crossing her arms over her chest while she waits.

“Oh, come on, Jess, give you sister a break,” Todd puts in, draping his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. “She just likes to be prepared.”

Jessica’s expression is unreadable when she glances at Todd. Winston notices that she doesn’t allow her gaze to linger on him for very long before swiftly turning away, heaving an exaggerated sigh as she taps her foot impatiently.

“That reminds me…” Winston jumps down from the ladder, placing the Marquis de Sade title on the stack that Elizabeth holds as he passes her. She climbs the ladder, carefully putting the books back as she searches for the last one she needs.

Winston turns to Todd. “I’m going to need the apartment on Thursday night,” he intones in a faux-confidential voice, waggling his brows. “Alone.”

“No can do, man,” Todd apologizes with a shrug. “I have that physics make-up final on Friday, and I’m going to need all night to cram.”

Winston gives him a skeptical look. “Oh, come on,” he wheedles. “Wasn’t I nice to you a few weeks ago?” He waggles his brows again, this time accompanying the gesture with a leering smile. “Remember? San Diego?”

Todd stares at him blankly. “What?”

Winston shrugs. “You probably didn’t even know that I got back early, on Saturday night,” he replies. “I knocked on the door, but you guys were – uh, _very busy_ ,” he adds, shooting a meaningful look at Elizabeth’s back. “I had to crash at Bruce’s, and man, he was _not_ happy about it. I mean, neither was I, but – ”

Winston’s words evaporate when he notices the way his roommate is staring at him, like he’s grown another head, or like a gigantic brain-sucking leech has taken up residence on his scalp. He furrows his brow, glancing to Todd’s right – an involuntary movement, really, but something catches his eye – 

– and he realizes that Jessica is looking at him with the same, exact expression, a mixture of shock and surprise and – _guilt_? 

Winston feels the world grinding to a halt as he glances from Todd to Jessica and back again, realization hitting him like a full-on freight train.

“Found it!” Elizabeth announces with a triumphant smile. She turns back and looks down at her friends, who are standing in silence below, all three of their expressions equally grave. “Hey – what’s going on?”

Winston’s horror melts away first. “These two just have no sense of humor,” he bursts out, frantically trying to think of something – _anything_ – that will distract Elizabeth before she figures it out, too. He wants no part of the shitshow that will commence when she realizes what her sister and Todd have done, and is desperate to extract himself from the situation as soon as possible.

Finally, something clicks. “I was attempting to tell them about the time that I mistook the sweet yowlings of Bruce’s dog for his girlfriend,” he says frantically. “She was sick, so it was hard to tell whose whining sounded worse – hers, the dog’s, or Bruce’s.” The words spill out, faster and faster, accompanied by gestures, wild and exaggerated. Elizabeth begins to laugh uproariously, collapsing against the side of the ladder as he imitates the high-pitched wails. Todd and Jessica eventually manage to crack smiles as well. Winston is so caught up in the story, encouraged by their laughter, that he barely notices how hard his heart is still pumping in his chest, until it skips a beat when he notices the hollow sadness still lurking in Todd’s and Jessica’s features.

~*~

Todd and Winston part company after the bookstore; Winston returns to their shared apartment, still working his way through the utter shock and horror of learning his best friend’s secret. That fateful night roars back into his mind, and suddenly, he finds himself reliving that awful betrayal, every shriek and moan and headboard-banging moment. He’d been so happy for his friend that it makes him feel sick now. Todd had been waiting – sometimes not so patiently – for Elizabeth to come around on the whole sex issue for _four years_ ; it was hard not to be happy for him, thinking that he’d finally gotten what he’d wanted.

Or had he?

Winston wanders aimlessly around the apartment. He feels antsy and morose and even a little bit scared. He’s full of questions – are they still having an affair? when did it start? how long are they going to continue on without telling Liz? – but he’s not sure he wants to know the answers. Todd is his best friend. They’ve been best friends practically since they were in diapers. Todd tells him _everything_ – or, well, he used to. Winston isn’t sure if he feels more hurt on Elizabeth’s behalf, or on his own.

He’s sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the napkin holder, when Todd finally comes back. He looks up when he hears the front door slam; he listens for Todd’s footsteps, his heart thudding heavily in his chest as they range closer and closer. He’s frozen in place, holding every muscle still on his thin frame, not sure what to expect.

Todd appears in the kitchen doorway, his expression carefully neutral. “I’m moving out,” he announces, his eyes latching onto the napkin holder from across the room.

Winston releases his breath in a rush. “What?” he chokes out, surprised.

“I think it’s for the best,” Todd continues, his voice a controlled monotone. “I’m really going to have to concentrate this semester if I want to graduate on time, and – I need my own space. You understand,” he adds, his eyes never leaving the napkin holder.

An uncomfortable patch of silence stretches out between them. 

Todd turns on his heel to leave.

“That’s it?” Winston sputters. “That’s all you have to say?”

Todd shrugs.

Winston feels a sudden surge of anger. “How could you do this to Liz?” he wants to know. “I thought you loved her.”

“I _do_ love her,” Todd replies quietly. He narrows a glare in his best friend’s direction. “What do you want me to say, Win? What could I _possibly_ say to make this all better?”

“How about ‘thank you’?” Winston fires back. “For not blowing your cover back there in the bookstore? For doing my part to make sure Liz never finds out about this?”

Todd rolls his eyes. “You want me to nail you to that cross, Egbert?” he inquires dryly.

“This isn’t a joke!” Winston yelps, shooting to his feet. “The _only_ reason I covered for your sorry ass was because I didn’t want to see Liz humiliated in the middle of the goddamned bookstore. She’s my friend, too, you know.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Todd mocks, an ugly sneer settling across his features. “There – are you happy now?”

“No,” Winston says. “And I don’t think you are, either.” He crosses his arms over his chest as he studies his friend. “So, are you and Jessica still…?”

“No,” Todd replies swiftly. “It only happened once.”

Winston furrows his brow; he hates to think the worst of anyone, but he’s known Jessica Wakefield way too long to not find that suspicious. “Did you… _know_ it was Jessica?”

“Yes,” Todd sighs impatiently. “I was drunk, but not _that_ drunk. I knew it was her, and I wanted to have sex with her.” He lifts a challenging gaze to Winston’s. “So I did.”

A shiver rolls down Winston’s spine at the icy coolness of Todd’s tone. “Are you ever gonna to tell Liz?” he asks, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.

Todd shrugs, dropping his eyes to the floor. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” he replies carelessly.

His response makes Winston’s stomach churn. So many what if questions bubble on his tongue, but he quickly realizes that he doesn’t want to know the answers to any of them. Todd has become a person he doesn’t recognize anymore, cold and reckless and uncaring about who he hurts, or why. If he can do this to the so-called love of his life, what’s he capable of inflicting on others?

Like, for instance, his best friend?

Winston shakes his head slowly. “I’m not sure I can live with that,” he admits. “It’s none of my business, but…Elizabeth is my friend, and I couldn’t just stand by and watch her be hurt. Not again.”

Todd nods. “You’re right – it _isn’t_ any of your business how I live my life,” he agrees. “That’s why I’m moving out.” He looks up, meeting Winston’s gaze; the two stare at each other for a long moment, a heavy finality hanging in the air between them.

“Goodbye, Win.”

Todd turns and walks away.

~*~

Winston sits in the café attached to the SVU student union, nursing a cup of coffee. It’s a typically beautiful spring day in Sweet Valley; classes have been in session for all of a week, and the campus is once again teeming with undergraduate life. If it was any other day, at any other time of his life, he’d be outside on the quad, yukking it up with Todd and Liz, hanging out with Jessica, Lila, and Bruce, or perhaps playing prince valiant for a cute new co-ed and her gaggle of friends.

But it isn’t any other day at any other time of his life. It’s spring semester of his senior year at SVU, and it’s been a week since his best friend walked out of his life. It feels weird to see Todd around campus, still the center of their social circle, still with the ever-loyal Elizabeth glued to his side. If Todd has any regrets about ending their friendship, they aren’t obvious to the casual observer.

And that’s all Winston has been lately, even in his own life.

He sighs and shifts back in his seat, propping his feet up on the bench across the way. A textbook lays open on the table in front of him, and he idly thumbs through it, but the words blur together on the page. 

He feels sad, and guilty, and somehow responsible for Elizabeth’s misguided happiness. He hasn’t really seen her since that day in the bookstore, but he can’t stop thinking about her, and how sensitive she is, and how hurt she’d feel if she knew the truth. At the same time, however, he can’t quite bring himself to tell her what he knows. As horrible as he feels about keeping Todd and Jessica’s secret, the prospect of being in the middle of the mushroom cloud when Elizabeth finds out is enough to keep him quiet.

 _I’m a coward_ , Winston thinks, pushing his coffee away with disgust. _I’d rather avoid a scene than do the right thing. What the hell kind of friend am I? No wonder Wilkins bailed…_

He’s well on his way to a right good pity party when blonde hair flashes in the corner of his eye. He glances up, nearly startled out of his skin when he realizes that Elizabeth is standing beside him, a friendly smile gracing her features.

“Hey, Win!” she greets him, oblivious to his utter shock. “Where have you been hiding? It feels like it’s been _ages_ since I’ve seen you!”

Winston simply stares at her, acutely aware of the fact that his jaw is still scraping the floor. It takes a monumental effort to close his mouth, but he really doesn’t trust what could come out of it if he doesn’t.

Elizabeth furrows her brow as she studies him. “Are you okay?” She lays her hand on his shoulder. “Do you need to talk? It looks like something is weighing pretty heavily on your mind.”

 _You don’t know the half of it_ , Winston thinks, his eyes sweeping down the toned, tanned length of her arm. Now is his chance; he can tell her everything, assuage his guilt, clear his conscience, and then escape, all in one fell swoop. 

He pushes back a pool of saliva to coat his dry throat.

“Win?” she prods. “You look a little pale.”

He opens his mouth to speak.

Elizabeth gazes at him expectantly.

“Hey, Liz!” calls out another voice. “Over here!”

Their attention is diverted across the room, where Todd stands, waving one arm in an effort to catch Elizabeth’s eye. When he realizes who she’s with, Todd’s expression clouds over, then disappears, his features settling into a blank slate.

Elizabeth turns back to Winston. “Why don’t you join us?” she asks. “Maybe it’ll take your mind off your troubles.”

Winston shakes his head. “No, you go ahead,” he finally manages to choke out. “I…have a lot of studying to do,” he adds, gesturing to his open textbook.

Elizabeth frowns. “Well, okay,” she finally concedes, giving him one last shoulder pat. “I’ll talk to you later. And hey – don’t be a stranger, okay?”

Winston gives her a weak smile. “Okay,” he replies.

She smiles at him again as she leaves, racing across the café to meet her erstwhile boyfriend. Winston watches her go, the burden of his sorrow weighing heavily on his shoulders. “I’m really going to miss you, Liz,” he murmurs, shaking his head sadly.


End file.
